Crisis or opportunity?

“I can’t believe you’re leaving your home and your job,” a friend said to me in December after I had given formal notice I was leaving.  “That seems like such a scary thing to do, especially at our age.  What do you think you’ll do?”

Stay with what you know, or ..

I don’t know, I told her but I’m certain the right thing will come along.  If it doesn’t, I’ll create it.  I’ll have to.

At 40, I am (among the masses out there who are) starting over in many ways, with life, with career and with family.  And while that may seem scary to some, I am among those who choose instead to focus on all of the opportunity before me to create the best possible life.

……….

In moving to South Dakota the beginning of January 2013, I did everything possible to give myself a month of downtime .. to regroup, to think, to make conscious decisions about what I wanted to come next in life and career, to dream, to putz, to have a glass of wine in the middle of the day and not worry about being on the clock somewhere, to take care of my daughter and make sure the transition was the best that could ever be possible, to get paperwork organized (you know, all those files you keep saying you’ll get to), make sure address changes were going through, really ground us in our new home, life, marriage and family, to go through boxes of ‘stuff’ I haven’t looked at in years, pitch the old and make room physically and emotionally for all the new in our lives.

After a lifetime of being on the constant go, constant work, always trying to do more, earn more, do better .. I wanted one month.  One month.  To regroup.  Heal.  Center.  Ground myself in our new home.  Take a walk, not a run.  Then.  Then, I thought.. the resumes I have been sending out will certainly have found their way to someone, some company I am a good fit for.  Some opening that’s currently posted.  I’ll have found a great new job working of course, for someone else that is also a great fit and I’ll get at it.

2 1/2 months later, with the right job, the right fit and the right opportunity still somewhat elusive .. perhaps that isn’t what He has planned.

Perhaps the path I am to be on, the one I’ve been sifting and sorting through, dreaming about, narrowing down, passionate about and getting nudged toward is becoming much more clear.

“When are you going to get a job?”

I looked at the Cowboy and almost bust out laughing.

We were driving the other night with all the kids in tow .. and one of our 5-year-olds from the far back says in a very confident voice, “When are you going to get a job?”

Quite certain the question wasn’t his own but rather one he had heard someone else ask… I assured him that I am working.  It may not look like my last job and at it may look different at times but I am working and I always will.

And then I asked if he was worried about it.

“No,” he replied.

“Is there a certain job you think I should have?” I asked.

“No,” he replied.

The Cowboy and I looked at each other and started to laugh as his older siblings jumped on him telling him how rude that was to ask.  It assured him again, that it was fine he asked.  I didn’t care.  I instead, have found it rather interesting there are a couple of people seemingly more concerned about me finding ‘a job’ they feel fits what they think I should be doing, more-so than the Cowboy or I.  And I’m pretty sure its not a 5 year old.

……

I have worked my entire life.  Since I was about 10, actually.  If we wanted anything above the basics, which my parents were happy to provide, my brother and I had to earn the money on our own to buy it.  At the time I didn’t think much of it.  But as I’ve grown, I’ve come to appreciate the life lessons that responsibility taught me.  (I only wish had been a bit more responsible with what I’ve earned over the years, on so many levels.  But that’s a whole other discussion.)

At 10 I started mowing lawns.  At 11, add to that, babysitting.  At 12, came a morning paper route.  At 14 the local florist was looking for some good part-time help.  Maureen was a blast to work for.  At 15, I started what became a very lengthy waitressing career, in a small restaurant in my hometown.  Every Saturday and Sunday morning, I’d pour coffee and serve up eggs and bacon for the entire front of the house and scrub bathrooms before leaving my shift.  At 16, I continued to waitress, babysit and at 17 added to it working at the local Cenex and feed mill as an administrative assistant.  I continued those jobs and threw in lifeguarding the 6am morning swim 3 days a week through my senior year.  College had me working 20-30 hours a week through 16-18 credit semesters and two to three jobs, usually waitressing, beverage carting, prep cooking or cleaning hotel rooms in the Wisconsin Dells during the summers.  I took my first broadcasting job at a station in Missoula, Montana for $13,500/year and worked at the bagel shop around the block just so I could have something to eat.  In recent years I’ve turned to music to help supplement my salary and keep the lights on.  I’ve done it because I’ve wanted to.  To support myself, to support my family throughout it all.  I have done it because I’ve needed to.  Throughout it however, I I have enjoyed a wonderful career.  And, I have not complained.  I’ve just worked.

Career -

Career –

Never.  Never has there been a break in my resume.

Until about two months ago.

Work. Or lack of.


The Cowboy and I are sitting at the table tonight looking at calendars.  And talking.  He tells me he’s got a busy week ahead and work is picking back up.  He’s wearing a smile.  One I haven’t seen in awhile.

IMGP0002

“I’m sorry I’ve been kind of crabby lately,” he says to me, in rather good spirits.  “I’ve got the wintertime blues.”  He laughs.

I know, I tell him.  I reassure him it’s not a problem and I get it.  I’ve battled a slight case of it myself lately.  And it has nothing to do with the weather.

Winter trim.

Winter trim –

Work, or lack of, has been a topic of discussion for us the past couple months.  The Cowboy, because winters are just slow in the farrier business and this has been a brutal winter.  When it is frigid, which it has been a lot, people cancel shoeing appointments.  When it snows, which it has a lot this winter, people cancel shoeing appointments.  When the roads are icy, which they were again yesterday and today, people cancel shoeing appointments.  No one wants to be out in it.   The Cowboy included.  But given it is the majority of his livelihood, no work means no pay.

…………….

Work is also slow in the winter because .. because of a little factoid I am a bit fascinated with:  horses hooves don’t grow as fast this time of year.  Did you know this?  You may, but I learned only recently despite having my own horses for years.  Apparently I’ve not paid all that much attention to the time span between farrier visits.

IMGP0032

“Horse hooves are like human fingernails and they just grow slower when it gets colder,”  the Cowboy tells me when I ask him again to explain.

http://www.princealbertstables.com/can_you_influence_hoof_growth.htm

“But I’ve also been told sunlight plays a role.  Kind of like when they start to shed in the spring, that has more to do with the amount of sunlight they’re getting, not necessarily because of the temperature.”

IMGP0017

He’s still smiling as he looks at his calendar, which appears to be filling up for the first time in months.  The blues, especially with Daylight Savings around the corner, appear to be waning.

http://www.cceequine.org/fact_sheets/How%20a%20Horse%20Hoof%20Grows.pdf

IMGP0016

While the rest of you are griping about winter ..

There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t hear someone complaining about how long and how harsh this winter has been.  I too, am ready for spring.  So I get it.

But there are a few I know ..

One of my fav shots from the weekend -

One of my fav shots from the weekend –

.. who just can’t seem to get enough of it.

The cold and snow have meant a playground of sorts here at the ranch all winter.  I know I’ve posted pics of our crew sledding before, but there were very few moments the kids (or the Cowboy) were inside this weekend.  If they were, it was momentary as they came in to warm up.

Sledding South Dakota style -

Sledding South Dakota style –

And then they would head back out again ..

The Cowboy and his little girl -

The Cowboy and his little girl –

While I don’t typically show faces, the expressions I believe, are what make these photos.  At least to me.

All smiles -

All smiles –

So many more great snapshots from the past few days.  Thought would be fun to share even a few ..

About to lose one.  Holding on with all his might ..

Holding on with all his might –

.. as we all still wait on spring.

Added benefit to come from 4H ..

This would be a follow up to my post yesterday about Annie Oakley and how I am intrigued by her story ..

In part because my daughter and step-daughter are thoroughly enjoying right now, learning to shoot.  And whether it’s personal determination ..

Wishing she could get there more often ..

Wishing she could get there more often ..

.. or friendly competition between the two of them, they’re determined to shoot well.  Annie’s name just keeps popping into my head when I think about it all.

Focus

Focus

We spent time again this weekend with 4H instructors who have not only incredible amounts of patience but also heart to work with what seems a growing number of kids coming in every Saturday.

Loading up.

Loading up.

And had the range been open longer, the girls would have stayed.  We were sincerely the last to leave.

Scoring

Scoring

Shooting sports isn’t something that we most likely would have ever gotten into back in Wisconsin.  While my brother is an avid hunter, I grew up surrounded by an entire community of sportsmen and women, had my own bb gun growing up I used to love to shoot, am comfortable around firearms and we have in the family one of the most accomplished women bowhunters in the nation .. shooting sports, bb gun/bow or otherwise, it isn’t something we ever gave much thought to doing.

“I think she’s a natural,” one of the instructors quietly said to me, of my daughter yesterday as she was firing off another shot.

“Seriously?” I asked.

Instruction.

Instruction.

“I really think so.  I told my son he’s got some pretty fierce competition this year in the junior division,” he added.

The fact she loves it on top of picking it up easily, has been a confidence booster for our 11 year old.  Our 8 year old too, as she gets in more practice.

Support system.

Support system.

That one element of all this, of 4H shooting sports, is something I am incredibly grateful for.  I imagine some I know would scoff at me for that, for being grateful our girls are finding strength in something that even remotely includes anything to do with a gun.  BB or otherwise.  But I’m thrilled they are finding ways to build themselves up that have nothing to do with body image, make-up, their appearance, boys, what others think of them or in putting other kids down.   At such a fragile age, they are building themselves up through some pretty neat life skills.  Focus.  Attention to detail.  Patience.  Math.  Teamwork.  And their own unique talents.

My Little Annie Oakley.

She woke early again this morning for school.

Got up.

Got ready.

“Where’s the bb gun again?” she asked the Cowboy?

Off she went with the dogs ..

Morning target practice.

Morning target practice.

I smiled as I had to call her in – twice – to grab a bite to eat quick and her things so that we could get her off in time to school.  And, as she was heading back toward the house, I realized this was a moment worth savoring and that I didn’t want to miss ..

I ran to grab my camera and sneak in this shot of my own.

My Little Annie Oakley, I though to myself.  (She’s really enjoying the BB gun Santa got her for Christmas last year, our three other littles have their own as well.  4H shooting sports, which she’s now been involved in the past couple months, has also become a wonderful resource for her.)  And then I realized I really didn’t know much about Annie or if that was at all a reference for her I should be using.

………….

Living now in South Dakota, we see and hear a lot about the great heroes/heroines/outlaws of the old Wild West.  Phoebe Ann Moses, or Annie Oakley as most of us know her, didn’t live or work it seems, ever in South Dakota.  But I’ve been seeing a lot about her as I’ve traveled the area.  Especially during our time out in Wall.

- courtesy Wikipedia

courtesy Wikipedia

Her talents as a sharpshooter and for teaching women during that era how to use a gun are what apparently made her the First American Female Superstar, according to Wikipedia.  That’s a pretty big deal, and it’s all because of how she could shoot a gun.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annie_Oakley

Her aim might not be all that Annie’s was, but apparently I’m somewhat on the right track with my comparison.  We’ll have to see if her shot here at some point, is good enough for her to want to take on the road.

Waiting on spring ..

“If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”
― Percy Bysshe ShelleyOde to the West Wind

Another Day of Heavy Fog

Another Day of Heavy Fog

The weather has been quite a topic of conversation lately .. most people sick of the cold and snow.  And while I’m ready for spring myself, today there were just some incredibly beautiful scenes to be soaked up.

Gracie

Gracie

Blanketed in Frost

Blanketed in Frost

 

The Eagles ..

There are a few places near where I lived in Wisconsin, the Sauk Prairie area in particular, where eagles gather.  They can be seen routinely flying along the Wisconsin River and there are days each spring devoted to watching them.  They are beautiful.  Big.  Majestic.  Watching them, seeing them even from a distance is mesmerizing.  I get shivers down my spine with awe and admiration.

http://www.ferrybluffeaglecouncil.org/eagledays/

But outside of that particular area, I can’t say I would ever routinely see them.

So the fact I have seen one to two a week since moving to South Dakota has been exciting for me and I try and pay attention when things like this happen.  While it may be random, purely coincidence and insignificant other than they happen to be in the same area I am in hunting for food or out for a daily gotta-get-some-exercise flight, sometimes things do carry with them an energy.  A meaning

Beautiful.

Plus, as I have voiced my excitement about seeing them, the response I have gotten from just about everyone is, “Really?  I don’t ever see any!”

………..

After having one fly very low over my car yesterday as I was heading out of town, having just dropped my daughter off at school .. I felt like perhaps someone was trying to tell me something.  And, I am believer in totems.  So I came home and looked up what it might mean.  I had had it explained to me before but I couldn’t remember.

What again is, the symbolism of the Eagle.

http://www.pure-spirit.com/more-animal-symbolism/629-eagle-symbolism

While there are many different opinions on this, I appreciate the one listed on the link above.  Especially given this most recent transition in life and the challenges and opportunities before us.

Coincidence or not, I appreciate even contemplating the thought they may be a sign.

I ask the Cowboy what he thinks.  “I think it’s a bunch of mambajahamba and believing in that is about as crazy as running around with a bunch of chicken bones around your neck.”  And he’s part Native American.

He laughs.  So do I.  Who cares.  I like the thought.

…………..

Ironically, as I sit down to write this morning, I see this tweet from @TravelWI:

Travel Wisconsin ‏@TravelWI Show our national bird some love. It’s Bald Eagle Appreciation Day! http://bit.ly/WaPgKV  #birding

Hope you’re fortunate to catch yourself a glimpse today.

Storm Blowing In ..

The snow hadn’t yet started to fly this afternoon but the wind had kicked up something fierce once again on the Great Plains by late this afternoon and there was a damp chill in the air.

The grove of trees the herd was lined up against the other day was facing the wrong direction to help with tonight’s howling winds.  So a few of them cozied up behind one of the loafing sheds this latest go round with Mother Nature.

The huddle.

The huddle.

As I ran out to snap a few photos, they all turned and looked at me, I think wanting to come over and say hello like they usually do.  But all stood their ground, not wanting to give up the wind break for any other in the herd.

I smiled at them.  And as the cold, bitter air sent a sharp pain through my front teeth, I scurried back inside, seeking warmth and shelter again myself.

Heavy Frost ..

The first thing I do usually when I wake each morning here in South Dakota, is look out one of our east facing windows.  I think I have just about always done the same wherever I have lived, I love the morning sun and the promise of each new day.  But for reasons I am about to share, the sunrise here is just different, and I appreciate each and every one I am able to enjoy.

The past 15 years of my life in Madison, WI there were typically neighbors homes or trees blocking the view and the sound of cars whipping by a busy road accompanying any morning light.

My time in Montana is perhaps the best comparison.  As you can imagine, there were magnificent views in each direction and a bold skyline of snow capped mountains, rich green forests, clear ice blue rivers, and deep shadows in the valleys, all soaking up the sun as it would rise in the sky.  But the sunrise would come in beautiful stages.

Here, it is instant it seems, the first crack of light is far and wide, like a fire spreading across the horizon.  It is sincerely unlike any other I have ever experienced simply because, if for no other reason, there is nothing to block your view (well, maybe the power lines) as far as the eye can see.

Sunrise in South Dakota

Late Morning Sunrise in South Dakota

While this morning once again did not disappoint – 6:45 a.m., deep shades of pink, orange, yellow and bright blue were mingling together across the horizon – there was one thing blocking the view.  At least through one window.

Frost on the Window

Frost on the Window

While I know the sheer amount of frost here is not good for the wood frames and a clear indication we need new windows/better insulation/etc (a project we plan to tackle in coming months) I tried to ignore that for the time being and soak in the moment.

The pattern of the frost was a bit mesmerizing and I loved the first light of dawn shining through.

Playing with Camera Filter

Playing with Camera Filter