The Cowboy and I were lying in bed, talking. It had been a very long past week and a half in Wisconsin and I was back in South Dakota. I grabbed one of the books I keep on the nightstand, a book I reference often but not every night.
Not anymore anyways, I had been through it page by page years ago.
The entry for that night, July 30th, was “Habits that Steal Precious Moments”:
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever. – Horace Mann
I really dislike fighting, in any form. Ever. I feel like there is always a better way to work through anything. To talk it out. To compromise. To truly look at the goal for whatever the issue may be and find a better way to get there.
It has been years though of fighting in some capacity, too many years with the father of my daughter. My first husband. Everything it seemed even from the get-go for us was and still is a challenge to work through together. To be on the same page. We try, we have the best of intentions. But it always seems a challenge. Last week, the time in Wisconsin was about taking care of final details of how our lives will all look going forward. I’m glad its over. I pray everyday we find some peace and create change for a better, more workable future and that in whatever strange way possible, our families can come back together. At our core is one little girl we all love with our entire beings. And I believe it is possible to still be friends.
The Cowboy and I also had a rough week while I was gone. It’s tough being apart from someone you want to be with so very much. And while we did it for the better part of two years while dating and even at the beginning of our marriage, it is different now that we are technically under one roof. There are issues I believe come up with many couples when one travels and the other is left home alone to take care of the day to day. It gets old, frustrating, questions arise that never would otherwise and the Cowboy sincerely had a tough time getting any work done with three children to care for and a demanding schedule. We needed to have some tough conversations in person now that I was home again.
Some of the partners I have in business right now are struggling to find a good working relationship, if they continue to work together at all.
It has been an emotionally exhausting past couple weeks. I don’t like to fight. Not because I can’t handle the content. I’m okay to hit tough issues head on. Take criticism. Discuss obvious problems versus ignore. But exhausting because I think there is always a better way to talk and think things through and move on.
I ground myself every God given day in the fact that we don’t get time back. And in ever perpetuating a fight versus healthy conflict resolution, versus defining a goal and a reason for having the conversation/fight to begin with and getting quickly to the bottom of it and a solution, I believe fully in the final words of that post from the July 30th entry:
“..we only steal from our potential.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach