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Lessons Learned on a Rainy Saturday ..
Four kids in a small house, no matter how tired they may be, will all wake each other up.
Rain coming in through an inner wall of the house isn’t a good thing and probably means we should have already fixed the roof.
It’s good to look in the attic of an old house .. and see if for some reason you might need more (or any) insulation.
There’s a beautiful, huge greenhouse that I will gravitate toward often out in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota. Because I love to garden. And their stock rocks.
The Cowboy gets stressed if too many projects seem started but not finished.
Leaving a margarita out on the table with small thirsty children around probably isn’t the best idea.
Margaritas can be a good idea though and a good solution for too much stress.
I am quick to be on a horse called “I’ll have another”.
A blind pony is best led back into a pasture past the snapping electric fence before the lead rope comes off.
An electric fence that isn’t connected all the way around, may or may not be live. But if it was, there is one tough little 1 year old in our midst.
And, proposals in the rain .. in the midst of chores .. with hands full of dirt and in front of an audience of little people .. can be beautiful.
It has been a beautiful Saturday.
Best gift to myself .. on the calendar.
Part of my to do list today (not that you can read my handwriting):
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With the smoke having mostly cleared from what seem like weeks of bang up 40th birthday celebrations .. my mind is turning back to the things I would like to do, have to do, and should do.
Especially for my overall mental and physical health.
Like .. catch up on work. Run an extra mile each day to counteract my (I’m certain) ever slowing metabolism and the fact I’m not willing to give up good beer. Or chocolate. Eat more salad. Check in with my life coach. Catch up on email and continue to purge all this non-essential electronically and otherwise in my home/office/surroundings and life. Finally schedule that yard sale with the neighbors, an appointment for my new crowns ..
And, a mammogram.
Check.
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I was waiting the other day to hear back from someone close .. on a biopsy she needed to have done to determine if the lumps she had found in her breast, were cancerous. Or, just plain old lumps.
But at 32-years-old and with a history of breast cancer in her family we were all holding our breath, I do believe.
It was that morning, and I was rushing through my morning routine and had about 2 minutes to shower and get out the door ..
I thought to myself: When is the last time I even did a self-exam let alone think about scheduling a mammogram given I’m now ‘at that age’?
I did a quick self exam that morning, now about a week ago. Not that I would have known if something were abnormal.
Because it had been so long.
I actually had my first mammogram a few years ago, as there was a suspicious area my doctor and I both wanted checked out. Turned out it was nothing. But .. I haven’t thought about it since. Other than the fact I know I am at risk because 1.) I am a woman. (although men can receive the diagnosis) And 2.) I, like my friend and so many others out there, have a maternal history of breast cancer in my own bloodline as well.
My girlfriends biopsy, thankfully we celebrated as benign.
While there are a lot of suggestions out there right now as to how often one should have a mammogram if ever, how effective they might actually be and who should get them .. mine is now on the calendar.
Finding the energy to call both the dentist and the IRS will have to wait until Monday.
April 30th .. and why you should hug your mother. Right now.
“No matter how old you get, hug and kiss your mother whenever you greet her.”
– from Highlighted in Yellow.
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April 30th has come and gone and I’m playing catch up ..
But I want to go back to that day here for a moment .. as it will always be a very special day to me. To many, actually. Because it would have been my mother’s birthday.
As I reflect each day on the mother I am or am working to be ..
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my mom and the kind of parent she was to us .. the kind of wife she was to our father .. and the person she was to the rest of the world.
I learned so much from her .. in life.
Perhaps even more, sadly .. in her death.
She would have 69 this week .. and was taken from us so young.
I’ll write more about her and some of the other women that have absolutely meant the world to me in life as we get closer to Mother’s Day as I want my daughter to understand the impact each of these women had on our lives.
But it was fun going back the other day looking for photos .. (something I was going to do anyway but also an assignment I’ve been given for work.)
Seeing her handwriting again on the back of the pictures ..
Thinking about how she spent her time here on this earth, where she felt she had made an impact ..
But also pondering where she decided to make changes, scale back, focus on the little things …
And the big thing. Like time with family. And why she hadn’t done more of it sooner.
It is a core value I contemplate often, work on always and believe any of us realize the importance of .. more and more as we age.
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Happy Birthday to one of the most wonderful, generous, understated, most likely underappreciated, sincerely beautiful women inside and out that I will ever know.
What I wouldn’t give for more time ..
And I will say now what I say always to family and friends who have the gift of their mother still with them .. always hug her and tell her you love her.
It all comes back to .. (finishing some thoughts)
“Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent, is keep your mouth shut. My mother just listened .. and let me talk. What a gift that was.” – Diane Keaton this morning, on the Today Show
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What are the most important lessons your mother taught you?
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I have seen the topic quite a bit recently in the news .. especially as we approach Mother’s Day. I’ve been asked that particular question by friends recently as well. And, it is a question I have been pondering myself, always have, but more and more as I work to navigate the ever changing waters that are motherhood.
Especially through divorce.
I have been trying to write for the past week, without much success, about some of the challenges facing us at the moment.
Much of it is relatively small in the grand scheme of things ..
.. like making sure we’re out the door each morning in time to get to school on time. Or .. navigating the increasing mood swings she’s having as she heads toward her tween years. (This will be fun to write about). Responding – or not to the occasional tantrum (of which we have not had one since that dreadful first night of spring break). Listening to her constant push for a later bedtime as she gets older and balancing that with her need to get enough sleep. Listening to her ask for anything that means more responsibility. Yet struggling with how some of the most basic things she needs to do and is reminded of, she can’t somehow seem to get done. Her being upset with me as I ask her to leave the cats alone and instead focus on her homework. Not allowing any talking back and providing appropriate consequences when she does. Keeping track of my jewelry, clothes or shoes ..as she can now fit into most of them… stuff like that.
I realized only this morning, just how similar a size we now are .. when I grabbed her rainboots to run out to the car.
And they fit.
As she grows and things are changing rapidly, some of these conversations and reflections will be easy and somewhat fun to write about. And for her to have to reflect upon.
The problem is ..
There are bigger issues and conversations happening behind the scenes right now that are tough. And are very big picture. And that should stay behind the scenes, for now.
Especially because, we all know, that even in marriage parents don’t see eye to eye.
So what do you do, what is best to do, when it comes to divorce. And your child’s future. When you have two separate homes. And two very strong, well meaning opinions that can’t quite merge.
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Going back to the original question above, one many seem to be asking in their lives at this particular moment:
I believe the best advice I ever got from my own mother .. that I am relying on to get me through some of the smaller challenges of the day to day and of raising a child .. never came through actual words.
It came through her smile. And her laughter. Her ability to do both in the face of chaos. And as Diane Keaton so eloquently stated this morning about her own mother, it was my mom’s ability to listen and respond in a way that, even if it was unintentional at the time, would ultimately help me take responsibility for my own actions and grow.
I’m not sure laughter and a smile are going to help on some of what is before us ..
I’m hoping there will be occasions however, where it won’t hurt either. And in the meantime, I look forward to always working on my listening skills.
Why thumbing a ride tough for some team ropers ..
There is inherent risk in almost any sport.
Concussions playing football or soccer. Groin/hamstring pulls/shin splints or tendonitis for runners. Falling on the ice curling and cracking your head. Tennis elbow. Rotator cuff. Catching the ball with your body not your glove. Sprains, strains .. stray balls hit your way playing golf. Or my girlfriends and I drinking too much over the course of 18 holes. It can all hurt. You get the drift …
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I mentioned yesterday I wanted to spare my thumbs until I had practiced roping enough to feel confident I could keep them?
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I’m not sure how long we had been dating that I noticed the HUGE scar around the Cowboy’s thumb.
“What happened,” I gasped.
“Oh,” he says nonchalantly. “There are a lot of team ropers minus a thumb.”
And he laughs.
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The cowboy nearly lost his thumb, oh .. ‘probably 10 years ago’ he tells me, in Sydney, Iowa at a big team roping competition.
Why is this a common injury among team ropers?
Those who have done it, know. Those who haven’t ever roped but want to try, should know. And the rest of us, well it’s just useless trivia perhaps. But I think it’s interesting enough to warrant its own post as we head into another weekend of clinics.
Ropers do something they call, dally. Which is when they take the rope and wrap it around the saddle horn after they have either headed or heeled the steer. I think I’m describing that right, anyway..
There is a piece of rubber around the horn (usually a piece of inner tube that’s been cut to size) and that is what makes the rope stick.
http://www.ehow.com/how_8240541_do-dally-team-roping.html
You dally because you either have a four or five hundred pound steer you are trying to turn for your partner to grab its hind legs, or because you’ve got the hind legs and you’re wrapping up your run and that dally and pull is what stops the clock.
The goal is, to not get any fingers caught up in the mix.
But the Cowboy tells me, “When you pull your slack and you take a wrap you have coils in that hand. If you let go of that ..” OR, “Sometimes you get your thumb caught in when you’re cinching the rope down tight around the saddle horn..” OR, “You put a little twist in the rope and it gets caught going about 30 mph..”
POP goes the thumb.
Like this guys (Story from KBOI2.com): Idaho team roper competing despite loss of thumb http://tinyurl.com/c28p2ct
The Cowboy says, “When you’re in a storm .. When things aren’t going right and you know you’re in trouble, you’re taught to let go. But when you’re roping for a big prize and things are moving fast, you don’t always have time to think.”
The Cowboy (knock on wood) still has both thumbs. But, he says, he’s probably got 5 or 6 friends that are missing theirs.
Like most other athletes though, with any given sports injury .. this particular cowboy along with every other thumbless friend, has gotten right back on that horse.
Is back in the box.
And is giving .. another nod.
Holding onto my thumbs, for now .. (catch up post from the weekend)
I love learning something new each day. I love getting my hands dirty, getting involved, putting myself in situations that challenge me and make me think about who I really am and what I am capable of or able to do.
But there are also many times where I thoroughly appreciate learning something through the eyes of others and sharing their stories.
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The owner of the ranch hosting the Cowboy’s roping clinic had this past Sunday asked if I wanted to ride as they were all roping in the arena, and said it’d be a favor to him if I’d run one of his.
So I did. A little bit.
And it didn’t take long for the Cowboy to ask a question I knew would be coming.
“Want to chase a steer?” he says to me.
He’s been after me to give roping a try .. which I’d love to. And I’ve tried my hand at it, very meagerly, on the ground, a few times.
But I’m thinking I need like a year or two, where I can take off of work entirely and do nothing more than rope, to have all that much fun with it. And more importantly, not injure anyone including myself.
It’s an incredibly acquired skill. And while I consider myself blessed to be able to pick up most things quite easily…
This is one sport where I’m concerned I might lose a thumb. (Which isn’t all that uncommon, apparently.) Get completely tossed and break a limb. Maim or plow over the steer because I didn’t better ‘steer’ my horse. Or quite possibly, severely injure the person I would otherwise be roping with. Like throw the rope around them .. and pull.
That .. would .. be .. bad.
“No thanks,” I replied to the Cowboy kind of chuckling under my breath.
The horse I was on would have loved nothing more than to rope that day, too and he was trying to let me know in no uncertain terms he was ancy to get to work doing what all his buddies were. All he wanted to do is run. Fast. And chase more than the air I was giving him up and down the other side of the arena in-between the guys running the steers.
(All my own horse ever wants to do is walk, maybe trot. She fights me to get her to lope. But we’re working on that. It would help if I would get out to ride her more often. That’s a whole other story.)
“C’mon,” said the Cowboy. “Just chase one out, see what it feels like, you don’t have to even have a rope” he added, as he walked me over and into the ‘box’. I tried backing Roper in, kind of. Didn’t feel good about it. And walked him out.
“Not ready for that,” I nervously smiled and said to the Cowboy. He laughed.
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‘What is it, about roping that has so many people seemingly addicted to it,’ I asked the Cowboy Sunday night after we had both returned home, my daughter was asleep in bed and I had originally sat down to write this.
“It’s competitive,” he replied. “And it’s kind of addicting. Rodeo is addicting. The people, the competition. The gambling. It’s like gambling, only you have some control over it.”
He laughed.
“Well, in theory you do. Have control over it. You put the money up and you win if you do well. But you have two horses, two cowboys and one steer. A lot can go wrong with that. But if it goes right, it’s great.”
The Cowboy used to practice two to three hours a day .. and have a ranking most others strive for, I believe.
While he’s removed himself the past couple years through life changes from the rodeo circuit for the most part .. and says he doesn’t miss the 10 hour drive to get somewhere, the money it takes on gas and to enter, having to win and knowing if he didn’t the truck payment wouldn’t get made that month ..
He still loves the sport.
And says one of his favorite things now, is helping others learn.
Learn how to get along better with their horse .. how to use their rope better .. how to win more when they do enter.
This past weekend must have been a win for everyone .. because there’s already an invite for next year’s clinic. Same time .. same place ..
Next clinic: next weekend in Wisconsin.
(And I’m thinking I might put down the camera long enough to try a little ground work with the rope, get going on that yearlong or lifelong project to learn this sport, myself.)
Rainy kickoff ..
We’ve both been on the road and thawing out from too much time in the cold and the rain .. so I haven’t had a chance to really type much. Or very well, anyway. And I’m about to start working to get the kiddos fed while the guys get out the door so – just a few quick observations from the past 24 hours.
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I’m not sure how long he’s been holding clinics..
But for quite a few years now, ‘twelve years maybe’ he says as I ask him this morning, the Cowboy travels to wherever he’s asked or hired to go, and he hosts roping clinics.
We are in Minnesota this weekend for his first clinic of 2012 .. and while all it’s done is rain since we arrived, the guys are making the most of it.
Since it’s at a dear friend of the Cowboys .. in fact, the first weekend we ever met in person, he was staying here to hang out and rope .. we’re all in tow. His kids. My daughter.
While the kids love to ride and try their own hand at roping when they go with their dad .. yesterday, we spent a lot of time on ground, running around. Driving around in the Gator. Chasing the dogs.
And at the mall. While usually the two of them are happy to stay and throw their own rope, they preferred going to the mall where it was warm and dry .. and there are lots of fun rides.
The guys stayed and played in the rain …
We’re all hoping for better weather today .. but everyone is getting ready to roll rain or shine.
I have been so determined to write each day I haven’t spent near enough time looking at the incredible lives and work of so many others out here writing. WordPress today posted an article on 8 Gorgeous Nature Blogs .. I’ve only gotten through two and already, huge fan. Fans of all things west, here’s one fun to check out…
Name them all?
I was going to write tonight about another topic related to marriage/divorce and some of what lies in-between .. because more good spinoff topics seem to keep coming up via (not even the Cowboy anymore but) friends, the more I write on any of this it seems.
But quite honestly, I just want to change the subject. At least for now. I need a breather because I’m relatively depressed after hearing from more friends that weren’t at all a part of the crazy mix last weekend .. Friends who are also struggling either personally or in their marriages. And for some reason, having never read my blog before, they happened to log on this past week, digest the past couple of posts and reach out to let me know it was in some way helpful. Which should make me feel good. But I feel awful knowing any of them are hurting. So .. I’m going to temporarily change the subject.
Come to think of it .. you know what else I might do? (I’m always dreaming up new ways to further run myself ragged…)
What about creating some sort of ‘buck-up’ boot camp where we run everyone through a ‘things could always be worse’ series of events .. so whenever we might need a boost that our lives really aren’t that bad .. and we should appreciate even the crap we get from whoever it is when we come home each night .. (For me, that’s literal. I come home to the dog that I have to walk each night and follow her with a baggie so that she can poop and I get to pick it up .. or the cats. I hate cleaning out litter boxes. But I hate the smell of litter boxes that haven’t been cleaned out even worse. That may be obstacle, hmmm. #3 I’m thinking) it is there to remind you. Or, perhaps all it will do is prove to you, things are that bad and you’d rather scoop poop and run through a field of electric shock than go home.
People actually do pay good money to do that these days. It’s called a mud run. Look for one near you. Sign up. Toughen up and let’s get going on some positive changes in your life.
Sorry. Tangent.
The whole point of what’s above is to say, I’m skipping relationship topics tonight.
In exchange …
I have a quiz for you.
(Insert cheer! Or, collective groan. You, of course get to choose.)
This is how I have spent the past couple nights now, with my daughter. Studying states and their capitols. There has been hand ringing, tears shed, some elation when she gets them right but mainly frustration that she gets any of them wrong. If not what the state is or where, it’s how to spell it.
As she was struggling still with Connecticut and seemingly at wits end, I told her, “Try not to stress so much. Just do your best and picture in your mind what you’ve written down time and again to practice. Or, just write it down and then go back and sound it out to be sure you’ve spelled it as correctly as possible.”
She looked at me, I believe, still feeling rather defeated.
“Chances are,” I added .. “You’ll do better than most adults if we gave them the same quiz anyway.”
Her eyes flew wide open.
So there.. my challenge to you. And, her challenge to me tonight. Well, hers and ‘the boys’ .. that’s what the neighbor affectionally calls his stepson. Despite the fact the two go to different schools, they have the same quiz tomorrow. They were testing each other for a few minutes this evening.
Name them. Can you?
The 50 states and capitols.
Not just name them, though. Can you also get them in the right place?
Have fun .. good luck .. and in case a little music might help put you in the right frame of mind:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_HeLofy7IE I had never heard that before this week. You?
Here’s the deal:
No matter how you do on the test, referring back to the assignment a couple days ago .. if you only talked nicely about your significant other today, you get an A+.
Conversations With a Cowboy 