Tag Archives: Cowboy

What kind of socks …

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I get a private message tonight from an old friend who I’ve missed, it was great to hear from her.  She says she has been reading the blog and recently started her own.  But besides wanting to just say hello and reconnect, she asked ..

‘Two questions, first:  What are the best socks to wear in cowboy boots so they don’t slouch down?’..

The other question will be for a later post.  I need to think a lot harder about answering that question, than this one.  So this gets my attention tonight.  Plus, I think its hilarious.  In part, because I’ve never really thought about it.

The Cowboy laughs when I ask him.

What do you wear underneath those .. boots.

“Who stole my Gold Toes?” the Cowboy says, still laughing.  “My dad always is looking for his Gold Toes!   And if he sees you with them on, his or not, he’ll accuse you of stealing ’em.  That’s all my dad wears.”

A second later he adds, “Oh, and you can’t have tube socks, you gotta have crew socks.”

I ask why.

“Crew socks are made like an L,” he says.  “That’s why they don’t slip.  Tube socks are straight, you know what I mean?”

Now I’m laughing.  I’m thinking, whens the last time I heard someone even say ‘tube socks’?  Might have been, like 7th grade.  And boy did we used to wear tube socks.  We didn’t just wear them, we rocked ’em.  Remember tube socks with the old basketball uniforms where the shorts were short and made of real thick polyester?

Wow, got off track there for a moment.

Gold Toe is what his pop wears.  The Cowboy says his fav is Omni-Wool.

Omni Wool

I’ve worn boots myself since I was like, at the very least in college.  And I just get any old ‘tall socks’.  Most women’s tall socks have the thicker, tighter band around the top of the sock.. which, the tag should explain to you that’s why its there.  To prevent slippage.

At this moment, I’m now laughing at myself.  That I am thinking so much about an issue that might otherwise seem trivial and relatively funny.

Perhaps more important than the right pair of socks .. let’s just say we need to start with the right pair of boots.

We happened to be at one of my favorite stores in Bozeman, MT http://www.headwestbozeman.com/ on a trip late last summer .. when I realized I might not be doing this whole cowgirl thing right.

“What do you think of these?” says the Cowboy.  I turn around and he’s holding up a pair of black boots.

“I’m not crazy about them.  I don’t think I like the square toe.”

Real cowgirls, the Cowboy informed me that day, don’t usually wear pointy toed boots.  He said it in the kindest, most loving, nonjudgmental way.  But it made me laugh.  And tonight as we’re talking, he adds to this conversation saying, you’re REALLY showing you’re a wanna-be if there are silver tips anywhere on them.  (Important to note, while I have lots of boots, pointy toed, round toed, square toed – and don’t confuse cowboy square toe with motorcycle square toe – I’ve never had boots with silver tips.)

Square toe where its at

Those black boots at Head West, they were in immaculate shape.  They were in the back of the store, 2nd hand.  And, they were just my size.  We left that day with me at least looking one step closer to a real cowgirl.  Not that I was trying.  But if I’m hanging with a real cowboy, perhaps its important to not look like a rookie.

My pointy toed boots (which I love, especially the handcrafted ones from Austin) still stand tall in my closet however, and it appears I may actually be changing the Cowboys opinion of them.  But I am amazed how often I get stopped wearing the square toed boots by people wanting to know where on earth I got them.

While we have you..

“Boots,” the Cowboy says, “should fit tight when you first get them.  Then (he says chuckling again) you get in the bathtub with them.  Warm water works best because it opens the leather up, you see… And then you just wear ’em the rest of the day.”

Wet boots.  Haven’t tried that yet.

So much to learn … good luck with the socks.

P.S.  My daughter and I after the blowout last eve, had a fantastic day.  We made it to school on time.  She helped with chores.  She did her homework when I asked.  She started a dance class she loves and is grateful I got her enrolled.  And we had a nice quiet night at home.  Calm has once again found our household.  For now….

For whatever comes next, even she is equipped with the right pair of very cute, tall orange square toed boots.

The drop off …

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Some parents would love nothing more than to hand over their kids for a few hours .. even a few days ..

Hand them over to another adult they know will take good care of them.

Sometimes another mess, another whine, another errand, another argument with you or between siblings, another load of laundry .. any or all of it can be enough to push some parents to the brink.  A few moments, a few days perhaps of solitude, is a wonderful opportunity to regroup and come back at it.

Quite honestly, even if its just a date night .. psychologists will tell you, (and I say this after the thousands of dollars of couples therapy that my ex and I went through, apparently a wee bit too late – so please let me just share one very important tidbit I learned) get a babysitter and go out.  Step away from the children for just a few hours.  It is healthy for them and for you.

Sincerely.  Once a week.  If at all possible,  do it.  Prescription straight from a marriage counselor.  Fit it into your schedule and do it.  (Just to clarify, I’m not saying like, do it do it.. but do the date night thing.  You know what I mean.  On some level though, I guess either reference would be appropriate in this context.)

Back to the point I was going to make..

Some parents would give anything for that break.  For a few days to regroup and then have their children back, feeling all refreshed and ready for the beautiful chaos that they are.

But for parents who’ve gone through or who are going through a divorce and who want more time with their children than the are told they can have, nights .. like tonight at the ranch, are brutal.

A weekend of not much of anything but hanging out and loving on each other at some point has to end.

It’s time to go back to mom.

A warm weekend indoors

It’s been almost three days now of running around inside, staying out of that cold South Dakota wind, chasing each other, playing hard and chilling out.  But the silence that starts to creep back in around 6pm every other Sunday at the ranch is almost deafening.  The stress of the drop off starts to sink in once again, with the twins and their big sister.

The Cowboy I know does his best to keep his composure as he starts helping them pack ..

Not easy because almost always, there is crying.  And there are questions.  More and more, his daughter says, ‘Why can’t we spend more time with you, daddy?”  They are words that sting deeper each time they are asked, because there is no good answer.

One of the boys lies on the floor .. lifeless, with tears streaming down his cheeks saying he doesn’t want to go.  The other ambles along through the house this weekend as if nothing is happening.  Usually he’s the one clinging to dad screaming.

“The drop off sucks,” says the Cowboy.  “Especially because it is essentially two weeks now until I get any more real time with them…”

Let me just say this.

No matter how much any child loves a mom or dad, leaving one to go home to the other can be heartbreaking, especially when they’re young.  It does go both ways, for those who think the kids only have a hard time on their particular end.  The Cowboy knows this.  Still, it is hard.

Hot cocoa

They don’t understand.  I’m fairly certain they feel guilt leaving one parent for the other.  And if they don’t feel it, they feel like they should.  So they act accordingly.  That is just my own observation.  Take that for what its worth.  But from everything I have witnessed and heard, with my own daughter, with friends, with other family and the Cowboy, kids feel torn leaving either parent.

I don’t know what a child truly feels however, because I was not put through that hell when I was a child.  I feared it.  My parents struggled just like everyone else.  But I was blessed in that they stuck it out.  After 36 years it was cancer that finally tore them apart.  Its crazy to think of how rare divorce was back when we were kids compared to now.  In 2012, its more rare a child’s parents are still together.

Marriage is never easy.  Divorce is just as hard.  And its incredibly tough on kids.

There are ways to minimize the pain.  Experts will tell you, avoid direct parent-to-parent drop offs if at all possible.  That helps the kids.  School for instance, is a great way to do that.  Whoever has them for the weekend will usually drop them off at school/daycare the following Monday.  The other parent them picks them up.  Voila.

I’m not just saying this because it might help the Cowboy and his kiddos.  I’m saying it because I’ve seen it work.  And, because my ex and I were asked to do the same .. after both of us grew increasingly concerned, I think, that someone might call the cops thinking one of us was abducting our own daughter during direct drop-offs.  Her blood curdling screams and crying tore our hearts out.

The rub here is.. both parents have to be willing.  Willing and able to remember through the muddy hate filled haze that can be divorce, to always try and do what’s in the best interest of the kids.  Thankfully, no matter how tough my own divorce was, my ex and I tried our best to frame each situation with, ‘What is best for our daughter?’

Too many of us know that can’t always happen.  Or if it does, its down the road and so much damage has already been done.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write about this today.  It’s not a fun topic.  And the Cowboy worries its a bit too heavy.  He wants me to write about something a bit more lighthearted tomorrow, if that’s ok.

But its just what struck me as important to talk about.  Because so many of us face this moment.  The moment we say goodbye to our kids .. and wish with everything we have, that we had more time with them.  Each day.  Each week.  The good, the bad, the arguments, the accomplishments .. even the mundane.

Back to moms

While time alone to regroup is a gift – to come back at parenting refreshed, renewed and ready to tackle anything a 4, 7 or 10 year old could throw at us (literally and figuratively) ..

How we would give anything for the frustrations of the everyday.    

(p.s.  Don’t think I don’t know – some of you right now are saying, then you should have stuck it out in your marriage.  I wish it were that simple an answer.)

“Not much” …

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“Never do I close my door behind me without being conscious that I am carrying out an act of charity towards myself.” – Peter Hoeg

…

“What are you all up to,” I ask.. as the Cowboy and I and all the kiddos are talking early Saturday via the videophone.

“Not much,” he says.

“The kids are watching a movie.  We had some of those clementines you bought earlier this week, they love ’em.. they really do.  I can’t believe we’ve never had them before.. they’re so much easier to peel than .. a regular orange.  I think we’ll have to start buying them.  They’ve had four each this morning!”

I love clementines.

Because the Cowboy and the kids are so rarely at the house for any length of time, he hates buying perishable food.  So I bought them tons of fruit earlier this week, in part because I wanted it for myself while there.  He fussed at me a bit for it.  But I want them all to be healthy as .. well, a horse.  Use whatever analogy there you’d like.  All I know is fresh fruit does the body better than say, ice cream or chips, for a snack.  And the kiddos are all sick right now with nasty colds.  I’m happy to hear they’ve discovered the awesomeness of clementines.

Lazy day

“What do you have planned for the day?”

I ask, because I know unlike most other weekends when family is around or I am around there is a lot going on.  Everyone, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends are around and want time with the four of them, because otherwise there is precious little time these days to see the kids.

“Nothing.  In fact, I’m not sure we’re going to leave the house.”  He’s got a big smile on his face.  “I’ve got homemade potato soup going already.  We’re just going to hang out together and relax.  I think they need it.”

I’m jealous.

I can hear laughter, music, the keyboard being practiced on, and a whole lot of … well, not  much going on in the background there.

Down time is a wonderful thing.  In fact, one of my colleagues did a story this week on how rarely we make room for down time in this hectic, constantly accessible, on-the-go fast paced life, and a place you can go to literally book a room in a place where all you do is be quiet.  And contemplate.  Life.  Anything.  But the goal is to just be still.

I understand the need for a place to go to find that, away from home because so often we get caught up in what else needs to get done.  Or who is stopping by.  But I also chuckle at the fact most of us can’t find a place anymore to be quiet in our own home.

I know its tough for the Cowboy and many others to believe I appreciate that, given how busy I usually am.

But I do.

It is why, since living a few years in Montana and discovering what the Big Sky does for my soul, I’ve wanted to return to the west.  The wide open spaces remind me (and often I need that) I can be as busy or as still as I want to be.  And both are good.

I called them again on our way to see old friends last night from my hometown.

“What are you all up to?” I ask.  “How is the day going?” ..

His daughter comes into view and she’s got the biggest smile on her face.  “Nothing,” they say.  She hangs out, leaning against her dad and loving watching herself on the screen.  After a few minutes as her dad and I keep talking, she runs off.  I can hear her playing the keyboard again and amidst laughter from the boys.

Here in Wisconsin ..

Grocery store run

.. we are hustling around, running to the store for something I forgot to get when I went earlier this week, going for a run, running errands, returning messages.  And that was just the morning.  The afternoon got a whole lot more busy, and fun.  Full of things to get done, friends and family.  Crazy day.  But a good one.

The Cowboy’s folks and the rest of the family he and the kids would typically be surrounded by, are at the http://www.centralstatesfair.com/stock-show/schedule/.

In fact, I think half the state is.  Everywhere we went when I was there earlier this week, the second question asked after ‘how are you, pard?’  .. was, ‘we gonna see you at the Stock Show?’  The Cowboy usually goes.  His mom I believe is doing a lot of shopping at the trade shows.  His brother is there selling a horse he’s got beautifully trained.  The whole show is a pretty big deal it seems. The Cowboy explains to me, it’s kind of like the little brother to the NFR in Vegas.  It’s busy.  It’s fun.  And we’ll probably go next year, he explains to me.

But this year, this particular weekend, he is soaking up how quiet it is, back at the ranch.

The power of being still

I just spoke with him again.  “We’ve done absolutely nothing,” he laughs as he has the best look in his eyes.  (Which is pretty cool to see across the miles – via the vid phone)

I have a feeling when we talk again later today .. I’ll hear more of the same.

There just isn’t enough time sometimes to do a whole lot of nothing.  Or three children who are willing to spend time doing nothing either.  They grow up too fast and are off in their own directions.  Weekends used to be for that, didn’t they?  Rest.  Perhaps in some households they still are.  The Cowboy has reminded me that on occasion at least, they should be.

Which is why this morning, my daughter still sleeps while I sit at the dining room table, sunlight streaming across the room at me.  The TV is off.  The sound of someone shoveling outside and the hot water heat kicking back on through the radiators is the only noise I hear.  I have my coffee.  A clementine.  The dog at my feet.  And the day ahead.  To do a whole lot of something, or a little bit of nothing ourselves.

11 Reasons Why ..

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“Mom!” my daughter says…

She had just picked up the phone.  I was calling to talk as I was still in South Dakota earlier this week.

“Where are you?” she asks.  “Are you still at the Cowboy’s?”

“I am, honey!  How are you?” I replied.

“Mom..” she says, rather breathlessly .. “OK.  I have 11 reasons why I would want to move to South Dakota.. and 11 reasons why I don’t.  And .. why are you still there?  I want you to come home.”

While she loves the Cowboy, his kids, their lifestyle and I believe wants nothing more than to live on a ranch where there is every opportunity to have all the animals she’s ever desired, especially horses..

We’re (and by saying ‘we’, I mean ‘she’ .. ) very stressed at the moment, about what might be happening later this year and where we might be going to school.

My daughter is 10.

She met the Cowboy before I even had a chance to introduce the two this past summer.  The scene:  we were out at the barn where we keep our horse.  The owner, thrilled to have someone around who really spoke her language (horses), she  swooped him up for almost an hour, showing him around while I went and rode.  I came back to where everyone was standing after a brief ride.. and my daughter was hamming it up.   As soon as he started talking to another person standing with us all, she grabbed me by the arm and whispered loudly, “Mom.. He’s so nice!  He’s cuuuuuute!  And, he’s a real cowboy, Mom!”

She’s told me herself on many occasions over the past 8 months, since the Cowboy and I met, that she thinks he’s the one, if there ever were another one for me.  She adores him and she knows I do as well.  (Understatement of the year)  But, if we do take life and this love a step further, what does that mean?

How do we all live together, us, the kids, the ex’s?  Same geographic area, I’m speaking?  OR do we not?  Do we keep two separate homes in two separate states and keep driving between?  Or do we find what we want somehow, and that is time, all together, everyday.  If so, where would we live?  Where would she go to school?  Would she get her own room and her own horse?  That’s what she wants to know.


But she also wants me to know as one of the 11 reasons she doesn’t want to move to South Dakota, that she’ll never consider the Cowboy family.  (Mind you this comes within months of saying she can’t wait to have brothers and a sister and the Cowboy would make a great step-dad and asking if we could please move there because the west ‘is where her heart just is‘.  She can’t describe it, she used to tell me.  I get that, I really do.)

Until now, my ex and I have stayed put, not wanting to ever have this discussion.  I’m not sure either of us does now.  But life and I truly feel God’s plans for me/us are bringing it all to a head.  How do parents make these decisions?  These….. gut wrenching, heart breaking, tough, life altering decisions?  Seriously?  We can’t all regroup and fall in love again in the exact same location we often feel trapped by divorce.

I am feeling like a horrible mother for even thinking – what if there is a split in the coming year or years between states.  Her father has despised his time in Wisconsin since the day he moved here and would love nothing more than to leave.  But, he’s not interested in South Dakota, he’s told me.  What if, she spends summers with one and the school year with another?  How awful will it feel to be the one left with less time to love her in person, raise her, guide her and be present?  Or, will she be okay either way?

My daughter would be going to a new school in her current district this next school year anyway, but she’d still be with the friends she’s made the past few years.  She is petrified we might send her to a new school within if not the district, another town or even a new state.

I keep saying that to her, please don’t worry right now .. there isn’t one of us adults at the moment, certain of what is to come.  What we do know, is we love her.  And we are all working toward the best possible solutions with that in mind.  And in the meantime, we pray.

Maybe I need to make a list myself…

11 reasons why it will all work out.  Somehow…..

“I’d love to argue with you later”.. she says, laughing.

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The Cowboy and I are still chuckling a bit over my last conversation of the day yesterday at the South Dakota statehouse.. with the likes of Ms. Joni Cutler http://tiny.cc/l2x37.

Now, I don’t want to do anything to ruffle anyone’s feathers.  We are all entitled to our own opinions.  And if I am ever looking for work in South Dakota, I need to watch inserting my opinions anywhere.

However..

What is fair to share with you, is the exchange.

Ms. Cutler was one of the last to come out of the Senate Chambers yesterday afternoon ..  Fortunately, we were still there, waiting on the House to dismiss.

Far from the ranch

We were scheduled to talk with one of Senate Bill 60’s strongest supporters, Representative Melissa Magstadt.

The Cowboy was off talking with Rep. Mitch Fargen.

Others, who had been making sure we talked with everyone possible where it might make a difference .. knew I wanted to speak with Cutler despite the fact she is adamantly opposed to any update/advance in shared parenting legislation.

They said, there she is.  And then they bolted.

I watched as she leisurely stopped and talked with various colleagues on her way out the door .. often stopping, turning back around, joking with a few folks, and taking a few steps back toward the door.

Finally she walked out.

I said, “Ms. Cutler, my name is ….  I am here with a gentleman by the name of .. (the Cowboy) today.”  She smiled and said, “Nice to meet you.”  She seemed quite relaxed and in no hurry.

“We’re here today to talk about Senate Bill 60 and the need for improved shared parenting legislation,” I said.

She cut me off, saying “I’m not interested.”

“I understand that,” I explained.  I made sure to be looking her in the eye when I said, “I’m just curious if you can explain to me why.”

She stopped, searching, I believe for the right words.  Any words actually.  And then she replied, “We feel judges should have all of the information and room possible to make the best decision and not mandate them to have to give couples in a divorce equal custody.”

“Why wouldn’t SB60 allow them that same room for judgement?” I asked.

“If it would, why wouldn’t it already be in place?” she replied loudly.  “Ask yourself that..”

“I have,” I said.  “And that is why we are here today to talk with you and some others.”

I probably said it with a smirk, I have to admit, but that’s what I said, very calmly.  Because at this point, she had gathered herself up and was walking away.  Which is what I had expected.

As she rounded the corner and was about out of sight.. she threw in, laughing, “I’d love to argue with you later, but I have to go.”

I replied “I’m not sure we need to argue, but I was hoping we might discuss.”

Arguing is currently, I hate to say it, what the current law fosters.  And there is nothing more detrimental to a family, children especially of parents who can’t get along, than arguing and being at each others throats through the lengthy, very sad process that is often divorce.

But it is a process currently, that any family law attorney such as Ms. Cutler and the State Bar … now I’m only guessing here … would stand to benefit from, as parents who argue over anything through a divorce and custody battle, typically argue through an attorney.  Sorry, just thinking out loud as to why Ms. Cutler might support the status quo in this situation.

Senate Bill 60, we believe, will bring families back to a middle ground where everyone is encouraged to get along for the sake of the children.  And when there is conflict, an unobjective third party is brought in to help with resolution.  Can someone please explain to me why this is a bad idea?  That is all I was hoping Cutler might help explain to me.  Why she feels this is such a bad idea.

For those of you wanting more on SB60 and why the Cowboy and I were there yesterday,  if you can glance at yesterday’s post, it’ll give you an idea.

For those of you who just want to be lazy and not look (which I get) .. Here’s a link to the bill.  😉  http://legis.state.sd.us/sessions/2012/Bills/SB60P.pdf

We’re not sure why there are still people out there who need to be convinced it is a child’s best interest, in most circumstances, to have both parents equally in their lives after a divorce, or for both parents to be treated and viewed equally through a divorce assuming both adults are loving, caring parents.  It seems a bit silly.  But, apparently there is a need to try and get the word out.  And having talked with countless other parents, mostly dads in South Dakota, who after years of hoping someone will listen to them and gave up, we felt it was our turn to pick up the fight.

Time with the kids - precious.

The Cowboy has been on the phone since leaving Pierre yesterday talking with family, friends and people he hasn’t heard from in ages.  Old friends who have their own story to share and who say they’ll do whatever it takes to support him.  And the bill.  And that is exactly what is needed.

http://legis.state.sd.us/who/index.aspx

This bill needs attention now.  If support isn’t strong before an upcoming hearing and testimony during the hearing, chances are it won’t even get out of committee.  It was scheduled to start this time around, in the most likely place it would get killed.  Because everyone we spoke with who’d like to see this pass is tired of working hard to see it fail, again.

One of the Cowboy’s good friends, who could lose her job for supporting this bill, is taking a stand and plans to testify.  She this morning, posted this on her fb page:

If you believe parents should have joint custody of their children, please contact your Senators and Represenative in Pierre and urge them to support Senate Bill 60. This bill will be voted on Thursday, February 9th at 7:45 a.m. during Judiciary Committee at the State Capital in Pierre… This bill is SO IMPORTANT!!! 

Even if you are not from South Dakota … (we’ve gotten emails today from folks in other state) but support moms and dads anywhere being encouraged to be good co-parents, to come to the table with equal parenting rights and responsibilities and allowing both parents to help raise their child .. especially if you are a judge, or an attorney and have seen 50/50 work.. Magstadt asked me just this morning to have you ..

Please contact either Senator Tim Begalka http://legis.state.sd.us/sessions/2012/MemberDetail.aspx?Member=151

Or, Representative Melissa Magstadt.  http://legis.state.sd.us/sessions/2012/MemberDetail.aspx?Member=159 

The Cowboy .. says thank you.  Because he doesn’t plan to walk away .. from the discussion.  Especially if it means, he might somehow get the opportunity to be more of the dad he wants to be.

A good night’s rest…

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Its been a long day and the Cowboy is sleeping in bed alongside me.  About 20 seconds and he was out.

“I’m not used to going all day,” he says very seriously a few hours ago.  “You know that.  And I want to be in bed before midnight.  We have a big day tomorrow.”

Afternoon chores

I’m used to the Cowboy being in a much lighter mood, more well rested and having gotten in a run and played his guitar for about an hour each day.

We’ve been on the go now for about 6 days in a row.  Early mornings, full days and late nights.  Who wouldn’t it wear on?  But when we cancelled our initial trip to Phoenix and decided there was work to do here, my comment at that time to the Cowboy was, ‘If I’m coming to work, then we’re going to work.  What are your biggest challenges right now….”

Alfalfa hay

After a late night painting – it was an early rise this morning.  We had several meetings to get to in Sioux Falls, a trim (remember Cowboy is a farrier?) on the way into town.. the owner tell me when I ask her what she does, her name is Joyce and she packs parachutes for the Guard, how cool is that?.  You think things go wrong when YOU have a bad day at work?  ….

We managed to fit in some noodling around town in-between which is fun for me because I’ve still got a lot to learn about the area and so does the Cowboy (which I’ll be writing about in a later post), and then we booked back home for chores and we had hoped his daughter’s basketball 1st grade basketball game.   She wouldn’t be there tonight, we sadly found out.  The Cowboy tried calling to talk with the kids to tell them he loved them and see what was up.  No response.

So, we stayed home and got the paint cans back out.  Only a couple more rooms to go!  (A huge shout out, by the way, to the Cowboy’s mom who comes over to help!)

Another beautiful day in South Dakota has come and gone.

Tomorrow there will still be chores .. and some painting left to wrap up .. but a new, bigger challenge comes.

I glance over before I turn in, myself for some zzzzzz’s.  I hope the Cowboy at the very least gets a good night’s sleep ..

Because we are off in the morning to Pierre.

Paint.

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Painting I find, is generally one of those things you either love to do or despise.

At least that’s the feedback I get whenever I mention the topic.  Most, I’m fairly certain, lean toward despise.  I don’t know… what do you think?

I don’t mind it.  In fact, I miss it .. as my house-sitting and apartment dwelling over the past year means I no longer have sprucing up of my own to do.  It’s good exercise and typically it means some area of a home or building has gotten one of the most inexpensive face-lifts available.

So we were fired up about today.  Because the Cowboy will tell you, his cute little house needs some sprucing up.

He’s also been waiting to do anything on the house now for close to a year.  The Cowboy wasn’t a.) sure he wanted to keep the house in the divorce and b.) that the ex would ever turn over the paperwork so that he could refinance.

We decided that no matter which it turns out to be, a sale and/or staying .. the place needs a fresh coat of paint.

Why paint you ask?

Much appreciated help from the Cowboys mom

Well, there were nail holes everywhere.  The previous paint job was also a bit rough and the colors were incredibly dark .. way too dark for a small little house with not enough windows.   Every room was that way.  So the task before us wasn’t and still isn’t for the faint at heart.

But perhaps even more pressing as to why we needed to paint:  they were colors the ‘ex’ had picked out and gone with years ago.

And the Cowboy, thankfully, is doing all he can to remove any of the bad energy, or .. juju as my girlfriends and I like to call it, left lurking in corners from a tough marriage and divorce.

Now that may sound ridiculous to some of you .. but others, you out there know exactly  what I’m talking about.  Moving on in the same place can be tough.  Bad energy can linger in a space after something so devastating as a divorce.  Don’t get me wrong, some reminders are things to cherish.  Others we just need to move past.

So today, we painted.

And we will again tomorrow as the everything from the few rooms still needing it, stays heaped on the futon.

'Everything away from the walls' heap

Now, if you’re thinking ‘Is this girl serious?’ ..

I’m not sure I’m giving you the best resources here.  But there are a ton of articles/opinions available on the topic of clearing negative energy.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2165074_clear-negative-energy.html

Listen.  All I know is, if I had known then what I know now, I would have sold my home and just about all furniture acquired with my own ex, shortly after finalizing our divorce.  No matter how much I tried to paint over the past, smudge or make new memories say .. having friends/family for dinner and serving them off the sideboard he and I bought when we first moved into our old home .. hoping to give the sideboard new meaning and memories .. four years post our divorce it still reminded me of him every morning as I walked by on my way out the door.  Ridiculous?  Maybe.  But can’t change what it was.  Only when I sold any of it/gave it away/let it go including the house, did I feel free from a past that perpetuated heartache.

I think it might be a woman thing more than a guy thing, to hold onto all that.  But some of us do.  Everything in this life, I believe, carries energy.  I like to keep the good energy around.  Where it doesn’t exist, I believe is opportunity to create.

In my humble opinion, the Cowboy deserves to get back even a smidge of the great energy he shares with the world each day.

So we’ll keep painting ..  It looks great so far.  Only 4 more rooms to go.

“What am I doing,” he said to me at one point, sitting on the floor, painting along the trim and trying not to get it on the baseboard.   “I don’t paint.”

We laughed.. and both took another sip of beer.

Today was the first time the Cowboy has ever painted anything.  Well, other than in maybe art class.  He was never allowed in the past because .. well, because he might not do it right.

Job report:  There were a few spots we’ll have to hit again.  But .. all joking aside, he did great.

And, we had a great time.

Today’s project has already spurred conversation about what other improvement projects will be fun to do together.  And as he stood in the kitchen, one of the only rooms we truly finished today, he said time and again, “I really like it.  I can’t believe how much better it feels in here.”

Its amazing what a can of paint (and some willing hands) can do.

A little bit of chicken fried…

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SO… a few things before I get to chicken fried.

While I have yet to be a little more public about my posts (I’ve not let very many in my own circle know I’m doing this .. for reasons I’ll explain perhaps at a later time…) I’m amazed at the conversations yesterdays post seems to have spawned:  The challenges of shared custody, the rewards, how vindictive and conniving women in particular can be – toward an ex or even other women, how easy it is to file false charges against someone and how often that seems to happen, that police need to take anything like that seriously but when you’ve done nothing how tough a pill that is to swallow, what that means for true victims of abuse, how often men seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to custody arrangements even if they are a great parent, how often they too do stupid things to get back at a partner and the different ways that looks .. those were just a few of the conversations I ended up in at some point yesterday.  It was kind of crazy.  Especially because there are no real solutions to most of this, just different ways to cope, I’m thinking.  Regardless, there are so many more branches of these topics to be had  .. look forward to having them with you.

I was feeling bad I’ve already faltered on my goal of one post a day.  But I consider this yesterday’s post, well.. because I wrote it yesterday.  But didn’t post it.  Because I got sidetracked by just too many things going on.

I stayed late at work on a special project.

When I got home, the Cowboy had made the most awesome dinner.

I am part of a band and we played a little gig last night after dinner and getting my daughter situated for bed.

As soon as I got home and sat down to finish the very short post included below, one of my dearest girlfriends called .. and needed someone to download with.  Because a married man she trusted and who was a family friend tried very hard to create a window of opportunity with her last night putting her in a terrible position, one she never expected and she was frustrated she didn’t exit it more gracefully.  I’m furious she was put in that position in the first place.  But having been there myself .. along with many of you, I’m just going to assume, its a place that hopefully once we’ve been we understand the warnings signs and learn to leave at the first indication trouble could be lurking if we stay.

Nothing happened thankfully.  But I’m giving him the stink eye the next time our paths cross …. on her behalf.

OK.  Chicken fried.

Heaping portions for the girl

The Cowboy made dinner last night……

I think I may have forgotten, after too many long years of not eating much at home how nice it is to come home to someone who loves you with kids situated, homework done and dinner on the table.  Not just someone … someone(s) very special, which is cool.

Such was even a small part of my day, and night.   And I know I am blessed.

The Cowboy is looking over my shoulder at the moment and says, if you might add … perhaps if you are happily married or in a relationship that is healthy, committed and strong, or even if you need a little work.. but still are in love … hold onto that and appreciate what you have.  Because its a wild, wooly world out there…..

And as I finish wrapping this up.. wouldn’t you know a little Zac Brown comes on the iPod.

Mmmmm.  Chicken fried.

Snow

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I love the snow.

And the flakes that came down much of the day outside many of our windows were beautiful … and long overdue for a crisp January day in the Midwest.

The Cowboy says in response to my excitement, with a smirk, “It’s beautiful .. but it sure makes for a long, kind of miserable day of work.”

South Dakota morning

It snowed some overnight in eastern South Dakota as well.  And, its just cold.  As I wrote this, he wasn’t all that fired up about being out in it today shoeing and had one more appointment to go.  The Cowboy, by the way, is a farrier, most of the time.  His other professional affiliations, like lifelong pretty awesome team roper from what I’ve seen and ever heard as well as being part of the sales force for a rodeo industry product (not sure what else to call it) we can talk about some other time.  Because it’ll take some explanation.

Today, he played the role of farrier and dad.

While I love the snow, love being out playing in the snow (skiing, snowshoeing, hiking, ice skating, whatever .. you get it) and love watching the snow, even driving in it sometimes (although doing donuts in a Prius isn’t quite as cool or as possible as some of my beater cars growing up)… I can’t imagine having to be out a good chunk of the day, working in it.

Dress warmly, I think to myself.

Fresh snowfall

The Cowboy and I see each other pretty often for living 7 hours apart.  6 1/2 if you drive a little faster.  He is on his way back to what I’d like to now call his second home.  Ours.  This time tomorrow.

And in the forecast, as he’s scheduled to shoe for a barn here on Thursday…. is more snow.

Random…

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I had such grand plans for tonight.

I was going to work late and get a project logged so that I could write it tomorrow – it had been scheduled to air next week but is now running this Thursday..

I was going to relax.. cook myself dinner.. write another post.. attend a meeting for a business I’ve gotten involved with on the side, one I’m pretty fired up about.. and run by Barnes & Noble quickly to pick up some things I didn’t get a chance to really look at last night because I ended up talking for a long time with my ex husband about some big issues .. issues we’ve been trying to find time to talk about now for months.  Years is more like it.

With our daughter at an unexpected sleepover, I found myself with the time and mental wherewithal last night to offer up the time to meet.  SO.. instead of browsing, I set the stack of books/magazines on hold behind the counter last night as the store closed, because the ex and I were two of the last still there wrapping up our conversation.  I’m guessing this is shocking to any of you who know us, because I’d say as recently as 6 months ago, us sitting at length to talk about anything was just not going to happen.

Then, I was hoping to sit down and have some good quality quiet to time to call the Cowboy before going to bed at a decent hour.

I’m not quite sure what ‘at a decent hour’ means anymore.

Instead…

Dinner

..The neighbors just left, after catching me coming home at 10 tonight.  They were helping me with the back door as my arms were full, so I invited them in for a drink as they asked if I had time for ‘one’.  It’s easy with the two of them, they often seem to have a bottle of something handy or in hand, so I don’t need to worry about what I might have in the house.  They are fun and I don’t get to hang with them often.  (I kind of like this apartment living again.. the camaraderie and contact is so easy compared to trying to catch my old neighbors before they pulled in their garages and disappeared into the house for the night.)

And they – *they, the neighbors just wrapped up a long conversation with the Cowboy, thinking my video phone was a pretty cool toy to be able to chat with him and feel like he was here in the living room with us.  I still have yet to really download with him today.

Cowboy said to me tonight after the neighbors left with a smile, nuzzling up in the recliner with a nice fuzzy blanket, ‘Write your post and then call me.’

I opened up a box of Special K with strawberries and poured myself a bowl.  I laughed at the thought I might get to bed early.    And I started to type.

Going to bed at ‘a decent hour’ won’t happen, once again.  But that’s ok.

It was a long day for the Cowboy as well.  He was up and out the door early today to shoe (horses) with a couple hours on the road between clients.  He looked tired tonight.

I imagine by now, he’s sleeping.

I’ve been thinking all day about how I was going to blog about the conversation my ex and I had last night and again early this morning and talking with the Cowboy about it all.

I’m putting it off for now.  But I will write about it at some point soon because the reasons for why we needed to talk won’t change anytime soon.  Quick synopsis though:  We are talking about school next year, our hopes for her future as well as our hopes for us as her parents, and does her current school track fit the track we want for her.  Plus, if either of us moves anywhere in 2012, what will that mean for her, us and our current custody arrangement.  You know, those things.  Big things.

It’s a huge conversation the Cowboy and I are having as well, perhaps along with many of you out there.  What is best for our kids?  What does that look like?  And what does that mean for any of us?

The Cowboy and I .. my daughter .. and .. I now know, even her dad, we are all sending up a lot of prayers.

Especially because the ex always likes to have things planned out.  But making and keeping plans versus being ok with any change in plans is a dynamic many of us have to work through. It was among the many differences the ex and I had.  Not bad, just different.

Being ok with change is something the Cowboy and I, I have to say, are pretty good at.  And its important to me to always be flexible.  Because things rarely go as I plan.

And, I had such great plans tonight…

Looking forward to an early start tomorrow.