Tag Archives: Relationships

Paint.

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Painting I find, is generally one of those things you either love to do or despise.

At least that’s the feedback I get whenever I mention the topic.  Most, I’m fairly certain, lean toward despise.  I don’t know… what do you think?

I don’t mind it.  In fact, I miss it .. as my house-sitting and apartment dwelling over the past year means I no longer have sprucing up of my own to do.  It’s good exercise and typically it means some area of a home or building has gotten one of the most inexpensive face-lifts available.

So we were fired up about today.  Because the Cowboy will tell you, his cute little house needs some sprucing up.

He’s also been waiting to do anything on the house now for close to a year.  The Cowboy wasn’t a.) sure he wanted to keep the house in the divorce and b.) that the ex would ever turn over the paperwork so that he could refinance.

We decided that no matter which it turns out to be, a sale and/or staying .. the place needs a fresh coat of paint.

Why paint you ask?

Much appreciated help from the Cowboys mom

Well, there were nail holes everywhere.  The previous paint job was also a bit rough and the colors were incredibly dark .. way too dark for a small little house with not enough windows.   Every room was that way.  So the task before us wasn’t and still isn’t for the faint at heart.

But perhaps even more pressing as to why we needed to paint:  they were colors the ‘ex’ had picked out and gone with years ago.

And the Cowboy, thankfully, is doing all he can to remove any of the bad energy, or .. juju as my girlfriends and I like to call it, left lurking in corners from a tough marriage and divorce.

Now that may sound ridiculous to some of you .. but others, you out there know exactly  what I’m talking about.  Moving on in the same place can be tough.  Bad energy can linger in a space after something so devastating as a divorce.  Don’t get me wrong, some reminders are things to cherish.  Others we just need to move past.

So today, we painted.

And we will again tomorrow as the everything from the few rooms still needing it, stays heaped on the futon.

'Everything away from the walls' heap

Now, if you’re thinking ‘Is this girl serious?’ ..

I’m not sure I’m giving you the best resources here.  But there are a ton of articles/opinions available on the topic of clearing negative energy.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2165074_clear-negative-energy.html

Listen.  All I know is, if I had known then what I know now, I would have sold my home and just about all furniture acquired with my own ex, shortly after finalizing our divorce.  No matter how much I tried to paint over the past, smudge or make new memories say .. having friends/family for dinner and serving them off the sideboard he and I bought when we first moved into our old home .. hoping to give the sideboard new meaning and memories .. four years post our divorce it still reminded me of him every morning as I walked by on my way out the door.  Ridiculous?  Maybe.  But can’t change what it was.  Only when I sold any of it/gave it away/let it go including the house, did I feel free from a past that perpetuated heartache.

I think it might be a woman thing more than a guy thing, to hold onto all that.  But some of us do.  Everything in this life, I believe, carries energy.  I like to keep the good energy around.  Where it doesn’t exist, I believe is opportunity to create.

In my humble opinion, the Cowboy deserves to get back even a smidge of the great energy he shares with the world each day.

So we’ll keep painting ..  It looks great so far.  Only 4 more rooms to go.

“What am I doing,” he said to me at one point, sitting on the floor, painting along the trim and trying not to get it on the baseboard.   “I don’t paint.”

We laughed.. and both took another sip of beer.

Today was the first time the Cowboy has ever painted anything.  Well, other than in maybe art class.  He was never allowed in the past because .. well, because he might not do it right.

Job report:  There were a few spots we’ll have to hit again.  But .. all joking aside, he did great.

And, we had a great time.

Today’s project has already spurred conversation about what other improvement projects will be fun to do together.  And as he stood in the kitchen, one of the only rooms we truly finished today, he said time and again, “I really like it.  I can’t believe how much better it feels in here.”

Its amazing what a can of paint (and some willing hands) can do.

The road home …

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Its not often we get to ride together in the car.  Well, actually today, its the blazer.  Normally one of us is heading to see the other and flying solo, passing time between phone calls and the Cowboy anyway, likes to watch/listen to a few shows on Netflix.

The road home

But we’ve got the blazer pretty packed up (the Cowboy really misses his big ‘ol truck, we were lamenting that just a few miles back.  It was a sexy truck.  It really was.  But as part of the divorce he gave it up over some relatively humorous and unrealistic financial demands from the ex.  So he sold it.  And, because we’re both trying to be frugal these days and downsize more than upscale, he bought an old blazer he could still shoe out of .. that would be a solid vehicle for he and the kids .. and that he could pay cash for.  We promised we’d start looking at a truck again later this year.)

Tired after a morning run

We’ve got one of the dogs along as well..  Settled in amongst everything in the back seat.

And, a lot of conversations happening in the midst of it all.

One of which, is me…. fussing at the Cowboy for his driving.  He wants me to tell you, “The Cowboy is a great driver.  And I am a terrible back seat driver.”  But he tells me that as he’s drifting off onto the shoulder of any icy Minnesota highway.

Another conversation is…. do we feed the dog the burrito bowl leftovers from our lunch stop.. which is a mix of black beans, rice, chicken and guacamole?  Or will that make for an extremely long, stinky ride the rest of the way to South Dakota?  Sorry.. but you know its true.

Its been a relatively insane, far too busy week.  All good things.  Work stuff.  Mom stuff.  Trying to fit exercise back into my daily routine after being out sick a couple weeks.  We drove through the snow last night to have the most wonderful evening with some of my best friends in this life, from college and now from all over the world.  Truly an honor to be among those around the table at the Capitol Grille in Milwaukee.  I adore my friends.  And I adore the Cowboy so I’m glad they’re all getting more time to know each other.  Plus it’s fun to see him dressed in a suit coat once in awhile.

But the busy days, late nights, work in-between and not to mention.. the awesome company have me thoroughly enjoying the downtime today in the passenger seat.  (Even if he isn’t the best driver that ever lived..)

Riding shotgun...

Especially because the Cowboy and I have a big week ahead … and the road this week will take us to Pierre.

Snow

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I love the snow.

And the flakes that came down much of the day outside many of our windows were beautiful … and long overdue for a crisp January day in the Midwest.

The Cowboy says in response to my excitement, with a smirk, “It’s beautiful .. but it sure makes for a long, kind of miserable day of work.”

South Dakota morning

It snowed some overnight in eastern South Dakota as well.  And, its just cold.  As I wrote this, he wasn’t all that fired up about being out in it today shoeing and had one more appointment to go.  The Cowboy, by the way, is a farrier, most of the time.  His other professional affiliations, like lifelong pretty awesome team roper from what I’ve seen and ever heard as well as being part of the sales force for a rodeo industry product (not sure what else to call it) we can talk about some other time.  Because it’ll take some explanation.

Today, he played the role of farrier and dad.

While I love the snow, love being out playing in the snow (skiing, snowshoeing, hiking, ice skating, whatever .. you get it) and love watching the snow, even driving in it sometimes (although doing donuts in a Prius isn’t quite as cool or as possible as some of my beater cars growing up)… I can’t imagine having to be out a good chunk of the day, working in it.

Dress warmly, I think to myself.

Fresh snowfall

The Cowboy and I see each other pretty often for living 7 hours apart.  6 1/2 if you drive a little faster.  He is on his way back to what I’d like to now call his second home.  Ours.  This time tomorrow.

And in the forecast, as he’s scheduled to shoe for a barn here on Thursday…. is more snow.

Random…

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I had such grand plans for tonight.

I was going to work late and get a project logged so that I could write it tomorrow – it had been scheduled to air next week but is now running this Thursday..

I was going to relax.. cook myself dinner.. write another post.. attend a meeting for a business I’ve gotten involved with on the side, one I’m pretty fired up about.. and run by Barnes & Noble quickly to pick up some things I didn’t get a chance to really look at last night because I ended up talking for a long time with my ex husband about some big issues .. issues we’ve been trying to find time to talk about now for months.  Years is more like it.

With our daughter at an unexpected sleepover, I found myself with the time and mental wherewithal last night to offer up the time to meet.  SO.. instead of browsing, I set the stack of books/magazines on hold behind the counter last night as the store closed, because the ex and I were two of the last still there wrapping up our conversation.  I’m guessing this is shocking to any of you who know us, because I’d say as recently as 6 months ago, us sitting at length to talk about anything was just not going to happen.

Then, I was hoping to sit down and have some good quality quiet to time to call the Cowboy before going to bed at a decent hour.

I’m not quite sure what ‘at a decent hour’ means anymore.

Instead…

Dinner

..The neighbors just left, after catching me coming home at 10 tonight.  They were helping me with the back door as my arms were full, so I invited them in for a drink as they asked if I had time for ‘one’.  It’s easy with the two of them, they often seem to have a bottle of something handy or in hand, so I don’t need to worry about what I might have in the house.  They are fun and I don’t get to hang with them often.  (I kind of like this apartment living again.. the camaraderie and contact is so easy compared to trying to catch my old neighbors before they pulled in their garages and disappeared into the house for the night.)

And they – *they, the neighbors just wrapped up a long conversation with the Cowboy, thinking my video phone was a pretty cool toy to be able to chat with him and feel like he was here in the living room with us.  I still have yet to really download with him today.

Cowboy said to me tonight after the neighbors left with a smile, nuzzling up in the recliner with a nice fuzzy blanket, ‘Write your post and then call me.’

I opened up a box of Special K with strawberries and poured myself a bowl.  I laughed at the thought I might get to bed early.    And I started to type.

Going to bed at ‘a decent hour’ won’t happen, once again.  But that’s ok.

It was a long day for the Cowboy as well.  He was up and out the door early today to shoe (horses) with a couple hours on the road between clients.  He looked tired tonight.

I imagine by now, he’s sleeping.

I’ve been thinking all day about how I was going to blog about the conversation my ex and I had last night and again early this morning and talking with the Cowboy about it all.

I’m putting it off for now.  But I will write about it at some point soon because the reasons for why we needed to talk won’t change anytime soon.  Quick synopsis though:  We are talking about school next year, our hopes for her future as well as our hopes for us as her parents, and does her current school track fit the track we want for her.  Plus, if either of us moves anywhere in 2012, what will that mean for her, us and our current custody arrangement.  You know, those things.  Big things.

It’s a huge conversation the Cowboy and I are having as well, perhaps along with many of you out there.  What is best for our kids?  What does that look like?  And what does that mean for any of us?

The Cowboy and I .. my daughter .. and .. I now know, even her dad, we are all sending up a lot of prayers.

Especially because the ex always likes to have things planned out.  But making and keeping plans versus being ok with any change in plans is a dynamic many of us have to work through. It was among the many differences the ex and I had.  Not bad, just different.

Being ok with change is something the Cowboy and I, I have to say, are pretty good at.  And its important to me to always be flexible.  Because things rarely go as I plan.

And, I had such great plans tonight…

Looking forward to an early start tomorrow.

Lessons relearned..

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It seems like it has been such a long time since I have had or taken a weekend to really just be still.

And in doing so, I regained some wonderful insights I happen to be reflecting on this beautiful afternoon as the sun streams through the window across the table at me..

Sundays are wonderful to relax and grab meals with family and friends.  And making a quick choice at the Hubbard Avenue Diner is impossible.

Weekends can be for catching up on sleep.  Made even more wonderful lying next to a child.  I still didn’t sleep much, but even reading on the couch and starting this blog this weekend have me feeling well rested.

Feeling guilty I’m well rested and probably a smudge less sick than I have been, because I didn’t go out for a dear friends birthday party last night has got to stop because it gets me nowhere.  And she most likely understands.  Birthday drinks tomorrow night?

Regularly being present at church is powerful.

Not enough people have heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story.  I say that only because the message is such a powerful one if you are open to it.  And the band at church today couldn’t have made it sound more personal.

http://www.myspace.com/laurastory/music/songs/blessings-80261255

Winter is beautiful and sometimes so is the cold.  But I don’t like being cold.  (need new long underwear – note to self)

The cowboy is concerned I might make him look too much like a wuss in my posts.  Especially because I mentioned that he cried, in the post yesterday.  But that, in my eyes, makes him more able to be the man I believe he wants to be.. and that I want to be with, than any other man I’ve ever known.  Plus, there is nothing wuss about him.  In case any of you were wondering.

My wonderful, divorced or still single girlfriends are frustrated.  Not just because they are single.  But because far too many of the men who are confident enough to come up and ask them out, are married.  Sorry, but its true.

I miss the Cowboy when we are apart.

Afternoon hay at the TRC Ranch

That is a lesson I am reminded of daily.

I can’t wait until there is a view like this out my back door.. possibly front door and sides of the house, too.  If there were a mountain range or two thrown in there somewhere, it’d be my own little heaven on earth.

$100 doesn’t get you far on groceries if you’re not the stellar coupon lady.  I remember when we were kids and went grocery shopping with my parents.  And I’d about pass out in fear for them when I saw the tally hit $100.  Now its like, 3 bags full, if you’re lucky.

Playdates are so awesome at 10 years old.  Awesome for moms too who want to get some things done like clean, catch up on errands or maybe write .. and not feel guilty they’re ignoring their children….

“i loved it, i cried”

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One of the things I love about the Cowboy, is he doesn’t ever seem to feel the need to hide how he feels.  And he seems to absorb the emotion in everything going on around him with the greatest intention.  Then react.  Almost always with an incredible tenderness, even when he’s been frustrated.  Now, that’s something I haven’t seen in a very long time.

Or, that I would expect that from a cowboy.

But it is what it is.

Cowboy’s been bugging me to blog for some time now, or at the very least pick up that half chewed up journal and just write.  He wasn’t quite sure what I would end up writing about but he also said, ‘Whatever you write I trust you.  And you’ll do great at it.  Just write.’  Little did he know I’d frame this all around him and the daily conversations we have.  Because I think most of our conversations are universal in that there are a lot of people having ones that are similar.  Or at the very least, having them inside their heads if not openly with others.  And I’m looking forward to sharing thoughts, ideas, and hearing many of yours in return.

SO.. after finishing my first post the other night, I forwarded him the link.

“i love it, i cried,” was his response via text.

“Really?” I say?

“yes,” he responds.

“How is your day?” I ask still texting.. in part because we’re both rushing around to get out of our respective homes and get to the day ahead before we try and catch each other on the phone….

“awesome…because you are in my life, yours?” …

One of the conversations the Cowboy and I have often, is how do we hold onto all of the awesome we have in this relationship.  From the first time we spoke, we have treated each other with respect.  And you may say, ‘well, no kidding.. you’ve known each other all of like 8 months,’ if you know any of our back story.  But you would then be surprised to know how often even a first impression is not a good one.  I’ll leave it at that.

Cowboy and I both try our best, as any couple would, right… to be incredibly open and honest with our thoughts.  Have our actions speak as loud as our words.  And to always be kind to each other, grateful, humble and have each others back.  Always.  But we’ve both thought perhaps in the past, we had found someone that we should have also had those things with and we have (for me time and again) failed miserably.

So.. the big question we keep asking at times we feel like pinching ourselves at how good this is at this moment.. “How do we hold onto this?”

Hold onto the crazy awesome feeling of loving someone so much you’d rather be with them every single moment of the day than ever apart.  You know what I’m talking about.. and if you don’t, please.. find it again preferably where you are at or realize you are missing something amazing, work toward it and pray it finds you.

It’s funny because this topic came up at an event I was at today.  Some friends who were catching up were asking each other how things are going between spouses and significant others.  When someone asked me how things were going with the cowboy, I told them wonderful.  And they said, ‘the key now is holding onto that’.  Exactly.

The alternative quite honestly, sucks.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  Statistics tell us .. as well as far too many of our friends .. that there is a strong likelihood most of us have at some point, hopefully not for too long, been in that place where we’d rather just be alone .. either long term or at the very least, for enough time to regroup and come back at it.  You know, the ‘hey I need to run some errands, I’ll be back next week’ (jk.. kind of) ..

Its a place many couples finds themselves.  Not all, I grant you.  For those of you gracefully able to work through all challenges that come with being incredibly close to anyone for any length of time, great work.  I truly admire you.  Share your secrets freely.  You are blessed.

The Cowboy and I though are pretty sure we’ve got a great thing going.  And the ability to to bring it back to where we want it to be through any challenges.  According to the encouragement I’ve gotten from any and all who’ve met him, my family and friends agree.  In fact, what I’m hearing more than anything from some of my girlfriends is, “I think I need a cowboy.”