I was supposed to get together with a girlfriend tonight .. she asked to reschedule. She hasn’t been feeling well.
I gladly obliged. Everyone around me lately has been sick.
I’m hanging out at one of my fav coffee /wine shops in town. And I’m strangely, really good with that. (Although I keep running into people I know here and writing this is taking forever)
The Cowboy just called. It’s late to start a drive from South Dakota to WI. But, he’s on his way.
Sigh. Of relief.
I won’t lie…
I wasn’t sure he was going to come, quite honestly. It’s been a rough past 48 hours ..
He’s been pretty bummed, I think, since the House Bill passed as is.
He’s not sure what it will mean. If anything. To improve his time with the kids. And if it doesn’t, where does that leave them all. Any of the parents in his shoes. If it’s not ‘a better place’ so to speak, if there are no guarantee spending thousands more on taking this all back to court so that there is a more equal split of time with the kids between homes, what will happen? What can he possibly do then to change things? Anything? Does he stay? Keep taking it on the chin? Make the most of his 4 days a month? Is there a chance visitation guidelines are next to change. Or, does he step back. Is it better for them to not be stuck between the conflict of their parents? Does he go about his life and hope his kids will be ok? Hope above everything else, they know he loves them?
Where does this leave them? Any better than they were before? Was it worth sticking his neck out? Day to day that answer varies as of late. One day he feels it was. The next .. he’s not so sure.
So he’s been in a funk.
And he’s needed a good couple of days to hang out in that space.
My challenge, rather, our challenge; I’m not good with funk. I can handle it, for a bit. But I’m not good at allowing myself – or someone else, especially someone I love so dearly, to stay there for long. Bummed. Feeling sorry for themselves. Frustrated. I want to help. But sometimes you just can’t. SO.. we’ve had a bit of a rough patch.
He feels there’s no way I can understand. And that its ok for someone to be down. Not for long, but for longer than I was giving him. I don’t know that I can ever fully understand. I can’t imagine being totally in his shoes where I don’t have time with my daughter and the leverage of equal time and placement. But my instinct is to say, let’s roll. Let’s fix it. Let’s get you all to wherever that better place is. All, including, the ex and her entourage. Write down what your hopes are. Let’s figure out how to achieve. Let’s go….
Because I can always think of a situation worse .. to be in.
I’m a glass half full girl. If we’re healthy and we’re alive, God has a plan. And, it’s going to be okay.
He’s probably right though. I am impatient. And I should have given him a bit more time to swallow a very bitter pill. Grieve, quite honestly, that the best chance he had at healing some of the wounds divorce has caused he and his kids, wasn’t going to happen. Not this time, anyway.
With a little experience and some time post my own divorce, under my belt, I have hope.
He’s on his way. Almost here ..actually, by the time I actually post this.
I can’t wait to see him. We are thankfully past any frustrations. Neither of us likes being in that place, either. Upset that is, with each other or in life. I debated whether or not to write about this tonight, but I felt it important both to give this follow up to the events earlier this week. And to be realistic about the fact not everything between he and I or any couple for that fact, can always feel or be perfect.
Was it worth sticking his neck out there? Will some of the terrible events of the past couple weeks somehow mean a better future for the Cowboy and his kids (and his ex)? While that remains to be seen there were two things that helped snap him out of his funk today.
First, that we will see each other again here shortly.
But far bigger and better than that:
The ex allowed him a few hours tonight that ‘weren’t his’ (no one’s asking why there was this astonishing turn of events or heart, everyone is just reveling in it – giddy, really at the gift of extra time together) .. with his daughter.
It was a daddy/daughter dance at church.
Something he’s looked forward to since mom, earlier this week, said they could go together. He bought her a wrist corsage. Mom got her beautifully dressed up. And the two danced the night away. Before the clock struck 9. And he had to take her back home.
“We had the best time,” he said when he called after dropping her off. “She said she felt like a princess .. we danced the entire night. At least until they pulled out the roping dummies at the very end, and I had to help everyone learn how to rope.”
I almost spit my wine out as I laughed…
Only in South Dakota I think to myself. Then I realize, probably not. I’m learning how many more places would do this. Anyway..
As I sat at my little table earlier tonight with my glass of wine and started to type.. I said a little toast, to them all. Congratulations for a beautiful night. May this be the start of only good things to come.